I Wished Me a Sucky Christmas

Goodness, I sure caused a fuss when I posted that this Christmas sucked! I love my friends and family who prayed for us, and I appreciate all the cheer-up thoughts. I also enjoyed those who understand and empathized with me, maybe even agreed with me.

Marty tells me I always have extremely high expectations for Christmas. I thought I lowered expectations for this Christmas, but maybe I still had high hopes...

So, here are some reasons why this Christmas sucked, along with some exceptions (why it didn't).

1. Approaching Christmas our thoughts were on my Mom, who was hoping to live to Christmas (she did)! I wanted to make her Christmas special for her. Here is an Etsy collection that I made with her in mind. Etsy is a website for crafters and artists, and I put together a "treasury" of items that reminded me of Mom.

The Sunday before Christmas I visited Mom for a few days. I brought a present I had made for her by Seth Weinberg. When she was a little girl her father worked for Disney, and Clarence Nash (the voice for Donald Duck) used to call her on the phone. Here is a picture of her when she was little, as well as the cartoon he made for me:


















So, going into Christmas I had the stress of wondering if Mom would make it, would we be able to give her good memories...


2. We didn't have enough time to prepare for Christmas. When I teach I give my "all" to my students. First graders take a lot of energy, just to keep up with them. Also, I have started physical therapy for my knee. I've been worried about my health so I started losing weight. I don't want pain, and I want mobility. I'm an "on the floor" kind of grandma and teacher, so I really worked at improving my knee. This took time and also made things hurt. I got the full week before Christmas off, I took most of that time to be with Mom. While I was on the coast I did get a couple special times - shopping in SLO with Rhiannon, and singing with Gwyn and the hospice harpist for Mom. Marty didn't get a day off until the Friday before Christmas. That made our Christmas preparation very squished and stressful. We left some things out that we usually did, and tried to choose only those things most important to us.

3. We left out: Christmas cards (for the first time ever, maybe - please see the possible card cover above), putting up a Christmas tree, going to Christmas Eve or Christmas day services (we just didn't have the time with preparing to leave for the coast on Christmas). I've gone to Christmas Eve candlelight services for years, and although we listened to great music at home and in the car we did miss that fellowship time. We put a couple decorations up at home, but no nativity scene, angels, reindeer... I kept encouraging Marty to get some things down from the attic but he pointed out that we wouldn't be home so why go through the trouble. He was right, but I missed it. He did do a nice job of decorating the outside of the house, and I loved coming home in the evening to our twinkly lights.

Here is a picture of the little tree that I usually put up at home with the presents around it:

We left out making fudge for friends (although I made one batch for the staff at school). We didn't go to any Christmas gatherings except for the one with our staff (and I did make my chocolate mousse pie for the gathering). There were a couple presents I wanted to make for friends or family, but I just didn't have time to. I did get Brielle's Christmas stocking done!

What I did have time for was making the week or two leading up to winter break lots of fun for my first graders. We did "Holidays Around the World" (holidays are part of the first grade curriculum), and we learned how holidays are celebrated in different countries. We listened to music, learned the words to Rudolph and Frosty, and made several crafts including bright glittered construction paper poinsettias, and sweet personalized jeweled ornaments for their families. The last day was a party which was mainly eating (healthy) snacks, getting some cool stuff from me, and jamming to music.

Marty and I also tried to take a few Christmas moments for ourselves. We went to Christmas on the Boulevard in Lancaster, and enjoyed strolling around looking at the ice sculptures, decorated windows, and local vendors. His last Thursday Marty had a minimum day so we met for lunch at the Lemon Leaf and did more strolling around downtown doing a little bit of shopping for family.

He made a grilled steak dinner for us on Christmas Eve. We were busy wrapping presents all day, so it was nice to take a break and have a nice dinner. He's a good guy.

(Snowboarding Santa ice sculpture)

So far the suckiness of Christmas was mainly things that we chose or didn't choose to do because of time and emotional constraints. Christmas morning began random suckiness.

4. Christmas morning we finished packing, putting everything in motorhome. There were LOTS of presents to put away. I tried to sort them with signs according to when and where they would be opened (Mom's house Christmas morning, Rhiannon's house Christmas evening, Mom's house 12/26, Rhiannon's house 12/26...) However, we had problems with hooking up and driving. The Jeep had been worked on and the line that attached the brake controls to the motorhome was out of place. It took longer than normal to hook up. We set up a special place for Sandy to ride and we were off! We HATE I-5 - the road surface is so rough that everything in the motorhome bounces, clatters, crashes.... it wears on us, and makes Sandy a little bit nutty. It took longer to drive to Morro Bay than normal, and we arrived too late for the brunch (which Mom's caretaker's mother had kindly cooked for us).

5. Something totally un-sucky: Mom loved the Christmas stocking I had put together for her. I had collected "memories" for her - things that used to be in our stockings like Silly Putty and a mini Etch-a-Sketch. An antique marble. A collector Pearl Harbor coin. A polar bear (she saw them in the wild). A Snow White figurine (her dad worked on the color process on that movie).

Most important to me in Mom's stocking - a bag with some candy corn, cotton, nuts, candy bones, candy fish, a smiley-face lollipop and five pennies. I had my brother, John, help her figure out the clues to this gift. There was a book that she read to us over and over when we were little - it was a Little Golden book.

John had been a good boy all day. His mother sent him to the store to buy a loaf of bread, and she gave him five pennies to spend on candy. Johnny walked along saying "I have five pennies to spend on candy, all for myself, isn't that dandy? Johnny meets a cat who says "If I had a penny to spend as I'd wish, I'd buy myself a delicious fish." He meets a sad pig who says "I've never had a penny since the day I was born, but if I had one (sniff, sniff), I'd buy some corn." John continues to meet "friends' on the way to Mr. McCoy's general store where he sees mops and tops and hats and bats and all sorts of candy! Then he thought of the dog, he thought of the cat, he thought of the squirrel, he thought of the bird, and he thought of the sad, sad pig. He says "I'll take a penny's worth of bone, a penny's worth of fish, a penny's worth of nuts, a penny's worth of cotton, and a penny's worth of corn!" He trots home, passing out happiness, and then reaches in the bag and pulls out a big smiley face sucker with a note that said "To a good boy, from Mr. McCoy."

It was enjoyable observing John and Mom go through the clues and remember the cherished childhood story.

6. The hard part about Christmas at Mom's house was that she had carefully selected items from her safe deposit box to give each of us. Mom was giving away her family treasures. She had gotten them appraised, and wrote a note about each item. The first problem was that some of the boxes were missing some items, and I tried to help figure out where missing items were - which led to some discoveries and some heart aches - some notes that Mom wrote were personal, telling her feelings about a family member, while other were simply factual - this watch came from this person.... (We had no idea that one family could have this many gold pocket watches)! The second problem was the emotional factor. One of the things she's giving me is her wedding ring set. She pulled it off her finger for me to try on, which made me weep.

7. The grandbabies were sick! We had planned to go to Rhiannon's house that evening and open a few presents there. However, understandably, Rhiannon (who was also sick) canceled dinner and put the kids to bed early. Although I 100% agreed with her decision it was still disappointing not to get to see them and to share gifts with them on Christmas.

8. Our campground was dark, dreary, damp and lonely. The state parks are effected by the budget cuts and we somehow got switched to a different campground than the one we wanted. No electricity, so I couldn't string Christmas lights up or put up my little tree from school. The next day we moved our campsite to the street in front of Rhiannon's house.

When I posted that "this Christmas sucks" I had just left Mom's house, which was an emotionally wrought time, I regretted some of our decisions about what to leave out during Christmas preparations, I was sad about not seeing the kids (who were only a 10 minute drive away), and I wasn't looking forward to eating leftovers from the motorhome fridge for Christmas dinner. (The original plan was to go to Rhiannon's for dinner, but she had ditched her dinner plans in favor of an early bedtime). I was looking for restaurants that were open in Pismo Beach. I was considering Denny's (which if you know me, you know I'm desperate because I hate Denny's - it has something to do with frozen fried chicken for a birthday dinner)... God is good and gave me amazing children. Within minutes of my posting "Christmas sucks" both Rhiannon and Calvin called me to see if I was okay. (They also know that I have high expectations for Christmas, I guess). Rhiannon offered to have us come to her house to share their meal. Calvin & Kelli searched for restaurant that were open, which is how we ended up at the Christmas spectacle of Madonna Inn!



I do love Facebook. Immediately I had friends praying for me, and friends called me over the next couple days, or sent me messages. Also, since people know that I rarely, if ever, use the "suck" word, it gave my sister, my niece, and others permission to vent about their "sucky" Christmases, also.

So here is the long version why I said that this Christmas "sucks." No matter how we prepare ourselves for the possibility of death, illness and disappointments, life can still play us like a "whack-a-mole" game. We give those setbacks to the Lord, but being human our heads and hearts hurt for awhile from all those "whacks."

And, of course, we did eventually get to enjoy the granddaughters and the rest of our family for Christmas. Yes, I found my Christmas joy after all.

Oh, and one more disappointment - I love to create things and I created a Christmas video that I couldn't post because of copyright infringements.... If you'd like to read about that, or more importantly watch my video, see the previous blog, "I (try to) Celebrate the Day". Blessings to everyone on your 2012!

I [try to] Celebrate the Day

I love this song by Relient K and I was frustrated to see no decent videos available on You-Tube. I wanted to share the song with my friends, but the only versions were either recorded live or had just the album cover for video.

I decided to make my own video! I used lots of family photos and I joined a photo site so that I could use other pictures legally.

I worked on and tweaked the video until I was happy with it... I uploaded it to Youtube, and left the setting "Private" so that only friends can see it. I announced it on my FB page, Marty clicked on it, and it said it's blocked due to copyright violation!

Now here's the thing. Why is it a copyright violation when I upload my very first video, but there are thousands and thousands of songs on Youtube that are clear copyright violations? I don't get it.

I also tried uploading it to Facebook, but FB wouldn't let me load it because of copyrighted material. Humph. I'm a big believer in paying for movies, photos, and songs. Pay the artists their due. But why can't I upload this when so many others can?

So, I'm going to see if you're able to see my video if I post it on here.

Wish me luck!






© Can Stock Photo

Fairy Castle

Here's one of Mom's many stories. I typed this for her today.

Doll House

When I was 9 we moved up to the Foothills and lived at 631 Caleb Street. Caleb street was a winding mountain road that started at one end of Hillcrest and ended at the other end. They built a dam that cut the far end of Caleb street off. The near end had very fancy houses where I loved to sell Girl Scout cookies. At the 2nd or 3rd house on the left there was a lady who really liked me. She was building a dollhouse. It sat out by the garage. I wasn’t that much interested in dolls but she wanted me to sit there and watch her work on the dollhouse. The thing I liked the best was right inside the front door of the house.

She had a fantastic carved wooden beautiful bar. It had all kinds of fancy carvings on it. But it had something special. It had a front and a back and had several hidden compartments. It had two or three or four hidden compartments she showed me the secret way to get into these compartments and I felt very special that she let me in on her secret.

We moved to Illinois in 1972 and at some point we took the kids to the Chicago Museum of Science & Industry. They had a beautiful dollhouse on display that I felt strangely connected to. I somehow felt nostalgic every time I saw it.

In 1979 I took my sister to the Museum of Science & Industry to show her this dollhouse that I thought had strange memories. (The Colleen Moore Fairy Castle).

Adele looked at it and said, “You fool, that’s the dollhouse that you watched Colleen Moore build. You were the only kid that she allowed on the property. All the rest of us were jealous. We wanted to see it also.”



Here I didn’t really care, but was more interested in the bar with the secret compartments. Now I understood where these nostalgic feelings about the dollhouse came from.

From Ann: Colleen Moore was a silent film star who started building the dollhouse of her dreams in 1928. Because of her influence in Hollywood more than 700 people helped her with the project, "including surgical instrument lighting specialists, Beverly Hills jewelers and Chinese jade craftsmen." (From description on official website, below). She used the dollhouse to raise money for children's charities, displaying it at department stores. She raised $650,000 between 1935 and 1939. In 1949 the director of the Museum of Science & Industry in Chicago convinced her to donate it to the museum.

9/11 2010-2011

We lived in Tehachapi, California. California is three hours behind New York City, but at 5:45 am we were already up. We're both schoolteachers, and Marty's school starts at 7:30 am. We lived in the mountains a half hour outside of town. I had an hour and fifteen commute to my school in Palmdale.

Marty and I were exercising in the downstairs room. He was on the treadmill and I was using the weights when we heard on the radio that an airplane had crashed into the World Trade Center. The report didn't have any urgency to it - we thought maybe it was a small plane accident. I decided to go upstairs and turn on the television (any excuse to quit exercising?) while Marty finished his run. I was watching the burning tower when the other airplane came into the picture and crashed into the other tower.

Shock. Disbelief and confusion. I yelled for Marty to come upstairs. We were glued to the TV for a few minutes, but then we had to finish getting ready for school. It's funny - I can remember calling Rhiannon, but I don't remember how Calvin found out. He was a sophomore in high school and Rhiannon was a sophomore in college. I need to ask Calvin what he remembers about that morning.


I was in the car, making my hour-and-15-minute drive to work, when the first tower fell. I heard it on the radio (Air-1). I was horrified. It was more than my brain could understand. Why would someone kill thousands of regular people? It didn't make any sense at all.

I got to school, joining other shaken teachers. I pulled up the internet news and took glimpses as I prepared for class.

How to teach 7-year-olds on a day when the world as we know it has changed so drastically? Some of the kids came in talking about it. Their parents had been watching the news. We had a few students that were kept at home that day because their families were worried that California would be attacked. One of my girls said that her mom was upset because a cousin lived in New York.

We had a "Classroom Meeting." That's where we put chairs in a circle and passed a "talking stick" (small rain stick) so everyone could have a turn to speak. I gave the second graders a chance to share what they had seen or heard. Some of them saw people jumping from buildings. I explained as factually and calmly as I could what had happened. They wanted to know why someone did this. We discussed the words "freedom" and "democracy." We did go back to our regular routine, and I gave them time to "write and draw" about what had happened.

We had more classroom meetings that week as the need arose, and new questions came up. I couldn't answer the question "why", but I tried to explain what is special about America. We learned some more patriotic songs.

People in Tehachapi were hurting and confused, and we needed a prayer time. Since we were church leaders, Marty called for a prayer service. Members of our church family joined us on Wednesday to pray for our country, for the families of those who were lost, and for ourselves as we struggled to understand what this meant.

We had a women's retreat planned for that weekend, and I was one of the leaders/planners. We had a quick phone call conference - do we go forward with it? Yes, we thought it was a time we especially needed a spiritual retreat, and the precious time with sisters in Christ.

Liz and I went a day early to get things set up. We stopped in Maricopa, where we always stopped for a potty break. We met a servicewoman who was driving non-stop across the country back to her unit. She was called back from leave, but was not able to take a flight back because all flights were grounded.

Marty and I lived in the woods in the mountains, and it was eery at night the next few weeks, seeing no airplane lights among the starlight.

Everybody has stories like these... A teacher at Marty's school lost a brother in the WTC. One of our best friends, an airline pilot, flew over the WTC three days after the attack, astounded at the view of the smoking hole. Dave had been assigned a load of special services troops and landed lights-off in an unlit field in a middle-eastern desert. Another friend was working at the pentagon when it was hit. The mother of one of my students was no longer able to help in the classroom because her reserve unit was called up. A young friend of our family was clad in a burka as she headed overseas to put her language training (Farsi) to use.

Our youth group leader was "stuck" in Reno, Nevada. She and her husband did chaplain service there for air races, and all those airplanes were also grounded. They were needed there. This strange attack on our country had special meaning to recreational pilots. How horrible that airplanes could be used against us in this way. Marty is a private pilot, and has seen in the ensuing years growing regulations and prejudice against small aircraft. People today get frustrated with the TSA's pat-downs and X-rays; but they should see how the TSA has crippled small airports.

Here's what I wrote in our Christmas letter that year:

"...Marty felt a powerful draw on his spirit during these days. On September 13 Marty heard something different from the radio while exercising - the Lord's voice telling him to bring Him the lost. Marty was faithful to his Lord's command - that Friday Marty testified at youth group, and seven kids gave their lives to Christ (three recommitals, four new commitments). Those youth are represented by seven teardrops that Marty put in a cross he made for the lay director for the October men's Emmaus walk."

We do live in a different world. This week I have been trying to figure out how it has changed. Here's one of the most important ways that we have changed - many of the children, youth, and young adults who witnessed 9/11 are contributing to the world with their time and talents. I can't count how many of our friends' kids joined the armed services when they grew old enough. My children and their spouses have gone on several mission trips. They and their friends became full-time missionaries, peace-corp volunteers, teachers in other countries, and teachers here. That is a wonderful thing, and a thing that gives me hope.

This week a youth from my new church walked over from her high school to help me with my first graders. I still teach at Summerwind, where I taught ten years ago. I love seeing youth working with little ones, at Vacation Bible School or at school. Jessica asked if she could bring a friend of hers on Friday. I said yes, and was delighted to have Karleigh walk in my classroom. Karleigh was one of my students in that second grade class ten years ago, on that confusing and frightening September 11th. My heart delights in seeing Karleigh, Jessica, Kelly, Brandon, Katherine, Caroline, Victor, Janai, Calvin, Kelli, Rhiannon, Jason and others improving our world by helping, serving, and teaching others. They give me hope for the future.

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul.
And sings the tune
Without the words,
and never stops at all.
- Emily Dickinson

Hope has a way of turning its face to you
just when you least expect it
you walk in a room
you look out a window
and something there leaves you breathless
you say to yourself
it's been a while since I felt this
but it feels like it might be hope
- Sara Groves